I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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