This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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