Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
