Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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