fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
