Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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