i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
