oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
