i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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