I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
