My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
