we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
