My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
