Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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