For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
