Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
