Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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