he puts the penis in happiness.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
