I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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