I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
