Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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