we have officially lost it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
