I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
