I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
