a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
