so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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