Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
