i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
