My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
