i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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