just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
