But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
