My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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