Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
