How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
