I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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