At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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