My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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