she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to sanitize my soul.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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