How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
