when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
