all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
