Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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