oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
