Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
