As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
