She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
