Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
