Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
