He kissed a someone with a penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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