Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
