just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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