Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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