do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
