i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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