someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I understand Curling. That high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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