What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
