Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
