I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
