Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
40s are totally the cure
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
