ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
