So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
