we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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