how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
